“Consent” and the Destruction of Sexuality

There's a segment in many Christian marriage ceremonies called the Declaration of Consent. If you've been to a traditional wedding, it was that part where you got confused and thought to yourself, "Wait, I thought they were supposed to say, 'I do.' Why'd she just say, 'I will'?"

That's the Declaration of Consent. Here's the wording from the Presbyterian Book of Common Worship:

Will you have this man to be your husband, and will you pledge your faithfulness to him, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with him, and cherish him, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?

The Woman shall answer,
I will.

Indiana University is currently on an ostentatious crusade against sexual violence, and it's very tuned in to this whole consent thing. Here in Bloomington we're in the midst of Little 500 week, one of the most decadent times of college partying in the entire nation, and a time each year when sexual assault becomes commonplace. Last week…

the Indiana Daily Student ran a series of first hand accounts regarding the giving of consent and the prevalence of rape. Bloomington coffee shops have adorned their cups with labels that read "Consent is HOT!" Thursday saw another display of the Slut Walk, hosted by the IU Feminist Student Association, during which women march around town in their underwear (or less) to protest being treated as sexual objects, and to declare the importance of giving consent. (No, I didn't make that up.)

The video below is an excerpt from a play that all incoming freshmen are treated to at IU summer orientation. Of course, the parents are sent off to look at pretty flowers or something while the students receive this morsel of the orientation experience. (If the video doesn't do it automatically, jump to 8:18 for the lighthearted ditty about getting/giving consent.)

And the whole University community sits scratching its head, wondering why in the world our community continues to be inundated with sexual assault and rape. Meanwhile, IU promotes a hookup culture where a request for sexual intimacy is reduced to nothing more than if a man were to ask a woman if she wanted a Twinkie. A simple yes or no will suffice. No love. No commitment. No consequences. You heard it: "All you gotta do is get consent!"

And by consent, of course they mean, "Will you unmistakably agree to have sex with me so I won't get prosecuted for rape?" How romantic.

We've divorced sexual intimacy from faithfulness, from love and honor, from duty and service, from living together, from cherishing one another, from the ordinance of God in the holy bond of marriage, and we've consequently destroyed any substance a declaration of consent ever had. And the real insanity is that we think we've liberated ourselves. But when you eviscerate sex of its meaning, you don't get liberated sexuality. You get a culture that's in bondage to sexual harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, molestation, incest, and rape.

And it doesn't matter how loudly you tout your "Stop Sexual Violence" campaign: as long as you continue to nourish the toxic Kinsey Institute, all you're doing is treating lung cancer with Mucinex.

Perhaps, rather than telling a man, "All you gotta do is get consent," we should repent of our destruction of sexual intimacy, and instead ask a man:

Will you have this woman to be your wife, and will you pledge your faithfulness to her, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her, and cherish her, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?

The Man shall answer,
I will.

And what self-respecting woman would accept anything less from a man who wants her consent?